Doing the Stanky Leg

I absolutely hate anything that is nasty, slimy or stinky.  If you're a mom like me, you're probably thinking, good luck with that!  Because that's one of the perks of parenthood, right?  :)  You get to participate in a buttload of different situations in which gross and disgusting become the norm.



I used to work for the county tax appraiser's office. I was a field technician, which involved going door to door in order to verify the info.  In addition, a physical walk around the property was required so you could verify the current data.

People are not always happy to see the tax office come around their property.  I was met with resistance, profanity, threats and one asshole even set his dogs on me.  So every day was an adventure; I never knew what was going to happen.

Sometimes, like the time I had a map that listed the property for a motorcycle club, turned out pretty awesome.  Those guys were as rough as a dried-out corncob, but some of the nicest property owners I've ever met.  They offered me food, beer, and some Mary Jane, all within 10 minutes of my arrival!  LOL  Or the time I happened to visit a nice couple who'd been married like 50 years.  After I completed the inspections, we sat down and had watermelon on their back porch.

Other times, it was a challenge.  I had stopped at a farm near the southern end of the county one day.  I got out of the car and scoped everything out, because people in the country tend to let their dogs roam free.  And they're not always friendly.  Well, sure enough, they had dogs.  But they seemed to be friendly dogs. They approached me their tails were wagging and acted happy to see me.  Overly happy to see me in fact.  When they got to me, they both started snuffling around my legs like dogs do.  And they were very excited, they just kept rubbing up on my legs showing affection.

Or so I thought.  I started smelling something FOUL.  I looked down, and those two dogs had rubbed DOGSHIT all over my pant legs. Apparently, they had been doing what dogs are known to do - eating shit. Literally.  And now, I had it all over me.  ALL OVER ME.  ALL THE FUCK OVER ME!!!!

I basically had a meltdown without actually breaking down right there.  I  ran to the car, took said pants OFF and threw them in a bag.  Yep, I was standing there in a shirt and panties in someone's driveway, half naked while their dogs ran around barking at me.  Fortunately, I didn't live too far from there, so I drove home and dealt with the shitty pants and changed clothes.  I can laugh about it now, but I was thoroughly traumatized that day.  I will never forget it. LOL